My son is four and a half months old, and we haven't travelled with him. I don't imagine this is too uncommon, as most sane people would probably prefer not to. But an emergency with a family member has come up in Ontario, so we leave in 6 days, for a 4 day trip. I never imagined travelling with Clark, but now that the reality is here, it's horrifying. There are many reasons:
1.) Packing - What the heck am I supposed to bring? And how much of it? Will it all fit? What if he is in a puking/peeing mood, and needs 100 changes of clothes? What if I bring 100 changes of clothes and he only needs 4? I hate bringing stuff that I won't end up using, but I also hate not bringing enough, or forgetting something that is essential. And how are we supposed to be able to carry around a child, a car seat, a car seat base, a stroller, a gazillion bags and suitcases, toys, blankets, nursing pillow, tickets, id, so on and so forth. I just know that something will either be dropped and lost or put down in a moment of panic and forgotten(I'm just hoping it's not the baby.)
2.) Plane Ride - If we were only going to be on a plane for an hour, I would think it would be no big deal, but our flight is 4 hours long. Add to that the fact that I get motion sick, and that as I am a new mom, I am not used to the fact that 100 other strangers will be subjected to my child screaming at them for indeterminate amount of time. I cringe when he cries in public, feeling like people are judging me. Not to mention my baby is ACTIVE. He likes to roll around, stand, have us walk him around. His schedule is sleep, eat, and play for 1.5 hours. How is that going to happen when he has to stay on either my husband or I's lap the entire time? And how will I manage that if I'm trying not to throw up all over him? And don't even get me started on the take off and landing. The doctor advised us, "Well, just feed him, and he'll be fine." Excuse me, have you met my child. He is the pickiest eater already. If conditions are not ideal, he does not eat. He cries. And if it's breastfeeding, forget it. He has a stronger neck and back then my arms will ever be. And soothers? They stay in his mouth for approximately 0.001 seconds before they become a projectile that lands 10 feet away.
3.) Sitting in the airport - This did not occur to be until my husband mentioned it. It's a 45 minute drive to the airport. And then at least an 1.5 hour wait for the flight. That's 2.25 hours BEFORE we have to go on a 4 hour flight. Then, we arrive, we have to wait for baggage, and then a ride to the hotel, which in total is probably around an hour to an hour and a half. In total, just to get there will take us about 7.5 hours. This is the worst news possible. I admit it, I do not breastfeed in public. Not ever, it's something I just can't become comfortable with. So how is this going to work? I know my son. He will not sleep well, and will thus eat more frequently then he is supposed to. So I will probably end up having to feed him a minimum of 2 times, more likely 3. Might I mention if I try to put a nursing cover or blanket over his head while he eats he will tear it off and scream at me for an hour? How dare I separate him from the outside world while he eats? And I definitely can't bottle feed him 3 times in a row-not only will I be risking harming my milk supply(it's been a struggle to keep it, as it is), I would be so engorged I would probably end up drowning everyone on the plane with me, not to mention mastitis has come to visit me several times before, and I definitely don't want to give it any reason to come back.
4.) Car Ride - Then to make matters worse, our destination is not the city we arrive in. No, it has to be 2.5 hours away. Luckily my sister arranged it so when we arrive we stay overnight in a hotel and then do the drive, but that still doesn't save us from the horror that is a car ride with my child. He has to eat before he goes in so that he will be happy. But then you've got a max of 30 minutes where he will stare out the window, or play with his hands. Then you have to do everything you can to entertain him-toys, books, songs, whatever you are desperate enough to do. Then he starts screaming, and you just have to let him until he sleeps, while blaring a CD of sleep music for him. Then, you can never stop driving. If you see a hint of yellow light, you speed through it. Because if you dare stop, or even try to slightly slow down below 60 km/h, you are done for. He will wake up instantly, and he will wake up mad. Then you've got to pull him out, attempt a terrible feeding and start again. Basically, a disaster all around. It usually ends up with everyone exhausted, angry, frustrated and in a bad mood for the next 24 hours. And the longest car ride we've done so far is only 45 minutes. So you can see why I'm concerned.
5.) But the worst, the absolute worst is the coming home. We have the 2.5 hour ride to the airport. Then we have the wait in the airport. Then we have the plane ride. Then we must disembark and wait a year for luggage. Then we have a 45 minute drive home. We also arrive at night, which means my husband will need to go to bed immediately as he will have to get up early for work. Horrible, horrible, horrible.
I know what everyone except my husband thinks when I talk about this. They think I'm so dramatic, and as my family says(who are traveling with us), "It won't be nearly as bad as you think." How wrong they are. I'm 120% sure that it will be a hundred times WORSE then what I'm thinking, and will scar both my husband and I for life. In fact, I predict this will lead to no vacations until he's 5 and we can leave him with someone for a week and go to Mexico and lay on a beach together and pretend we were how we used to be. People without a child really do not realize how much a baby changes everything. Anyway, believe me, you will hearing about how the trip goes when we get back(expect the worse news possible.)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
When Your Son Makes You A Liar
Clark had his four month vaccinations about a week ago. I dreaded it since the day he got his first vaccinations. Watching him scream after being stabbed, the fever for two days, the fussiness for a week, and the messed up sleep schedule. Oh, the dread.
So when his vaccinations came around this time, I made my husband come with me. And for days before, I went on and on about how horrible it is, and how he was going to hate his life for days(I booked it on a Friday this time so my husband could help me on the weekend.) So, my husband was suitably terrified when the appointment came up.
And that is where it got weird. He barely cried. I mean, of course he was unhappy when he got the actual shots-but then he stopped crying immediately, and was his normal,happy self. He was fine the rest of the night as well. And slept through the night. The next, not a peep out of him. I'm pretty sure my husband thought I was insane, or at the very least, a huge exaggerator It was embarrasing!
Not that I'm complaining about the fact that he was fine after-that was great! It just is very confusing for me now-I never know what to expect! And, now my husband will never believe any of my horror stories. Personally, I think Clark did it on purpose I swear I could see him laughing at me. Expect the unexpected, right? Now if only he would do that in other situations, like for example, when I talk about how I hate how badly he naps. Maybe he wants to prove me wrong there, and start napping for hours on end?
So when his vaccinations came around this time, I made my husband come with me. And for days before, I went on and on about how horrible it is, and how he was going to hate his life for days(I booked it on a Friday this time so my husband could help me on the weekend.) So, my husband was suitably terrified when the appointment came up.
And that is where it got weird. He barely cried. I mean, of course he was unhappy when he got the actual shots-but then he stopped crying immediately, and was his normal,happy self. He was fine the rest of the night as well. And slept through the night. The next, not a peep out of him. I'm pretty sure my husband thought I was insane, or at the very least, a huge exaggerator It was embarrasing!
Not that I'm complaining about the fact that he was fine after-that was great! It just is very confusing for me now-I never know what to expect! And, now my husband will never believe any of my horror stories. Personally, I think Clark did it on purpose I swear I could see him laughing at me. Expect the unexpected, right? Now if only he would do that in other situations, like for example, when I talk about how I hate how badly he naps. Maybe he wants to prove me wrong there, and start napping for hours on end?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Nap Time Horror
When we found out I was pregnant last year, my husband and I decided that he should hold off on taking as much vacation time as possible until the baby was born. This proved to be immensely useful to us when my son was born, as I was in the hospital for an entire week, and of course, my husband didn't want to leave me or my son for even a minute. He still had another week left to take though, so we decided to wait and see. In my mind, we were waiting to see if I would get sick and thus need him to be home. As he tells me now, he was waiting for me to have a nervous breakdown. Turns out we were both wrong, and neither thing happened(though I think there were some weeks when it was pretty close to the breakdown).
So last week was the week we decided my husband would take. There were a couple of reasons we decided to do it. My husband works outside, and December is freezing and also his busiest month. Thus, it makes sense that he would like time off then. But the main reason was our son's naps. Our son is an awesome nighttime sleeper. It is a rare night he doesn't sleep 10 hours straight, and it's been like that for quite a while-though it does change with vaccinations, teething, etc. But for some reason, he would not nap anywhere but on me.
He has no problem whatsoever with sleeping in his crib at night. He goes down without a peep. Added to that, sometimes he wakes up in the night and we can hear him babbling to himself, and then eventually he puts himself back to sleep. But ever since he was born, he would not nap anywhere. Believe me, we tried. We tried a bassinet, a bouncer, a swing, his crib. We even tried the floor(he can play on it, why can't he sleep on it, right?) He would scream and scream and scream. And for the first while, I tried. I really did. But I was so sleep deprived and freaked out, and I ended up crying constantly and refusing to do it. So I just held him. All day long. So when discussing my husband's vacation time, we decided between the two of us, we could crack this nap problem. So we started the Friday afternoon of my husband's last day of work. The first 24 hours included long bouts of sobbing on mine and the baby's part, yelling on both of our parts, screaming on his, and exhaustion with all three of us. It was one of the worst days of my life. And the next day was no better-worse if anything. Now he wasn't sleeping at night, and he was napping 10 times a day, because of how little he was actually sleeping at his nap times.
And then, we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. On the third day, he actually slept in his crib. For 10 minutes, but it was at least some improvement. And by the end of the week, we were so happy with ourselves. He slept every nap time in his crib for approximately 30-45 minutes. Which isn't long enough, as he was still seeming tired after, but we figured, he will settle into sleeping in there and eventually will start to sleep longer.
So when my husband went back to work on this Monday, I gave myself a pep talk. I can stick to the nap schedule! I can do this! And the first nap went beautifully. I rocked him for approximately 30 seconds, and then into his crib, and he slept for 45 minutes. I was so smug. I cleaned the kitchen while he slept, got so much done. 'This is the life!" I told myself. And then the tooth came.
See, I had been telling everyone for MONTHS that my son was teething. He would drool and drool and drool and bite EVERYTHING around him. And no one but my husband believed me. Even our doctor told me I was crazy because he was only 9 weeks at the time and that apparently is way to early to start teething. But I knew. And lo and behold, after his nap on Monday morning, my son woke up screaming bloody murder. I ran in there, horrified, and there, in his screaming, open mouth was a tiny white tooth on the bottom. He then proceeded to scream for the next 6 hours. I am not joking. My husband had the WORST day at work, and then came home to a stressed out wife, and an angry baby. And he refused to go in his crib again. And the next day as well. We had reverted to the first weeks-both me and Clark crying and exhausted. I couldn't believe that all that work my husband and I had put into fixing his bad habit had been ruined by this tiny tooth! Seriously, what are the chances on that? Why couldn't that tooth just wait a couple more weeks until he was completely in his routine?
So for now, back to the nap time horror show for me. Hopefully he gets this worked out, otherwise as soon as January hits, my husband is going to end up taking more vacation...
So last week was the week we decided my husband would take. There were a couple of reasons we decided to do it. My husband works outside, and December is freezing and also his busiest month. Thus, it makes sense that he would like time off then. But the main reason was our son's naps. Our son is an awesome nighttime sleeper. It is a rare night he doesn't sleep 10 hours straight, and it's been like that for quite a while-though it does change with vaccinations, teething, etc. But for some reason, he would not nap anywhere but on me.
He has no problem whatsoever with sleeping in his crib at night. He goes down without a peep. Added to that, sometimes he wakes up in the night and we can hear him babbling to himself, and then eventually he puts himself back to sleep. But ever since he was born, he would not nap anywhere. Believe me, we tried. We tried a bassinet, a bouncer, a swing, his crib. We even tried the floor(he can play on it, why can't he sleep on it, right?) He would scream and scream and scream. And for the first while, I tried. I really did. But I was so sleep deprived and freaked out, and I ended up crying constantly and refusing to do it. So I just held him. All day long. So when discussing my husband's vacation time, we decided between the two of us, we could crack this nap problem. So we started the Friday afternoon of my husband's last day of work. The first 24 hours included long bouts of sobbing on mine and the baby's part, yelling on both of our parts, screaming on his, and exhaustion with all three of us. It was one of the worst days of my life. And the next day was no better-worse if anything. Now he wasn't sleeping at night, and he was napping 10 times a day, because of how little he was actually sleeping at his nap times.
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| "Little old me? I would never refuse to nap!" |
And then, we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. On the third day, he actually slept in his crib. For 10 minutes, but it was at least some improvement. And by the end of the week, we were so happy with ourselves. He slept every nap time in his crib for approximately 30-45 minutes. Which isn't long enough, as he was still seeming tired after, but we figured, he will settle into sleeping in there and eventually will start to sleep longer.
So when my husband went back to work on this Monday, I gave myself a pep talk. I can stick to the nap schedule! I can do this! And the first nap went beautifully. I rocked him for approximately 30 seconds, and then into his crib, and he slept for 45 minutes. I was so smug. I cleaned the kitchen while he slept, got so much done. 'This is the life!" I told myself. And then the tooth came.
See, I had been telling everyone for MONTHS that my son was teething. He would drool and drool and drool and bite EVERYTHING around him. And no one but my husband believed me. Even our doctor told me I was crazy because he was only 9 weeks at the time and that apparently is way to early to start teething. But I knew. And lo and behold, after his nap on Monday morning, my son woke up screaming bloody murder. I ran in there, horrified, and there, in his screaming, open mouth was a tiny white tooth on the bottom. He then proceeded to scream for the next 6 hours. I am not joking. My husband had the WORST day at work, and then came home to a stressed out wife, and an angry baby. And he refused to go in his crib again. And the next day as well. We had reverted to the first weeks-both me and Clark crying and exhausted. I couldn't believe that all that work my husband and I had put into fixing his bad habit had been ruined by this tiny tooth! Seriously, what are the chances on that? Why couldn't that tooth just wait a couple more weeks until he was completely in his routine?
So for now, back to the nap time horror show for me. Hopefully he gets this worked out, otherwise as soon as January hits, my husband is going to end up taking more vacation...
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Family
I know not everyone is lucky enough to have family live close by(all of our immediate relatives, on both sides of the family live within 30 minutes of us, the majority within 10), so not everyone might have experienced this. Usually, when family invites us over or asks us to go somewhere with them, I am so excited. The reasons are threefold.
1.) I'm getting out of the house, and it's not for grocery shopping or a diaper run! Woohooooo!!!!
2.) I get to spend some quality-ish time with my husband!
3.) There are other people to hand Clark off to, when I want a break, or simply even to get to hold my husband's hand!
But then it happens. The green-eyed monster hits. Why, might you ask? Because other people are getting to have fun times with my son. I know, it's really insane of me. I look so forward to getting rid of him, so to speak, and there I am, jealous that other people are getting to play with him, or hold him. I swear he gets cuter when we go out. And he, for some reason, acts better too. It's like he's secretly thinking to himself, "This will make her feel bad for wanting to get rid of me. I'll show her." I've talked to my husband about this phenomenon and he agrees. He feels the same way I do when we're out as well. And don't get me wrong. We appreciate our family so much. They have been incredible to us, so generous and helpful.
Isn't that irony for you? It never happens at home when he's screaming for no reason at bedtime and keeps us up for three hours later then he normally does(last night, anyone?), but as soon as we are at someone else's house and they have my adorable son, I immediately want to steal him back and kiss him all over. You know, they talk about when babies eventually get separation anxiety, but they never mention when it hits the parents. I don't know, maybe it's easier when you live far away from family and actually have to pay for babysitters(as my husband said, if that was the case, we would never leave the house/go out to eat). Maybe it's just us to, and no one else is this obsessed with their child. He's just too darn cute to ever want to hand over! Next time I'll have to try to dress him uglier. Who am I kidding? What baby outfit could possibly me ugly?
1.) I'm getting out of the house, and it's not for grocery shopping or a diaper run! Woohooooo!!!!
2.) I get to spend some quality-ish time with my husband!
3.) There are other people to hand Clark off to, when I want a break, or simply even to get to hold my husband's hand!
But then it happens. The green-eyed monster hits. Why, might you ask? Because other people are getting to have fun times with my son. I know, it's really insane of me. I look so forward to getting rid of him, so to speak, and there I am, jealous that other people are getting to play with him, or hold him. I swear he gets cuter when we go out. And he, for some reason, acts better too. It's like he's secretly thinking to himself, "This will make her feel bad for wanting to get rid of me. I'll show her." I've talked to my husband about this phenomenon and he agrees. He feels the same way I do when we're out as well. And don't get me wrong. We appreciate our family so much. They have been incredible to us, so generous and helpful.
Isn't that irony for you? It never happens at home when he's screaming for no reason at bedtime and keeps us up for three hours later then he normally does(last night, anyone?), but as soon as we are at someone else's house and they have my adorable son, I immediately want to steal him back and kiss him all over. You know, they talk about when babies eventually get separation anxiety, but they never mention when it hits the parents. I don't know, maybe it's easier when you live far away from family and actually have to pay for babysitters(as my husband said, if that was the case, we would never leave the house/go out to eat). Maybe it's just us to, and no one else is this obsessed with their child. He's just too darn cute to ever want to hand over! Next time I'll have to try to dress him uglier. Who am I kidding? What baby outfit could possibly me ugly?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monetizing Your Child
Yesterday I was reading the paper online(does anyone get the real one anymore?), and I noticed an article about happiness in my city. So I read through it. To be honest, I agreed with a lot of the different theories from different experts in regards to what we need to be doing to be happier-i.e. have purpose in life, challenge yourself.
But there was one expert in particular I did not agree with. To sum up, he basically did a study where he monetized happiness in our life, like falling in love. Then he proceeded to say that the happiness of holding your baby for the first time, right after they are born can be equated to the happiness of someone handing you a basket of $4,000. And then he said that his study shows that people who have children only have a brief spike of happiness in the year after they are born, and then after that the happiness goes away.
I was shocked. This man was so clearly wrong. I mean, what, as soon as your baby turns one, you look at him and think to yourself, "Yep, you no longer make me happy." That's insane! Not to mention the whole $4,000 thing. I have been given larger sums of money(i.e. wedding presents), and while I was very happy to be receiving it, it in no way even slightly compares to when my son was born. That happiness was indescribable. And it's true. To people who haven't had kids, when I try to tell them about it, I can tell they don't understand the full extent.
I just can't help thinking that this man must not have had children. And to be honest, he must not have fallen in love either. Because those things you cannot monetize, you just can't. Love like that literally has no price to me. Nothing can compare to it-they are different, yet equally strong loves like no other. Clark makes me happy every day, multiple times a day. Even on days when he screams for no reason, or throws up all over me three seconds before we are due to leave the house, I love him so much. I thought of this especially today, when he woke up this morning. I walked in to get him, and there he was in his crib, babbling to himself. When he saw me, he gave me the biggest grin. I wouldn't even trade $4,000 for one of his smiles, that's how happy he makes me. Now, for one of his poopy diapers, that's a deal I'm willing to make...
But there was one expert in particular I did not agree with. To sum up, he basically did a study where he monetized happiness in our life, like falling in love. Then he proceeded to say that the happiness of holding your baby for the first time, right after they are born can be equated to the happiness of someone handing you a basket of $4,000. And then he said that his study shows that people who have children only have a brief spike of happiness in the year after they are born, and then after that the happiness goes away.
I was shocked. This man was so clearly wrong. I mean, what, as soon as your baby turns one, you look at him and think to yourself, "Yep, you no longer make me happy." That's insane! Not to mention the whole $4,000 thing. I have been given larger sums of money(i.e. wedding presents), and while I was very happy to be receiving it, it in no way even slightly compares to when my son was born. That happiness was indescribable. And it's true. To people who haven't had kids, when I try to tell them about it, I can tell they don't understand the full extent.
I just can't help thinking that this man must not have had children. And to be honest, he must not have fallen in love either. Because those things you cannot monetize, you just can't. Love like that literally has no price to me. Nothing can compare to it-they are different, yet equally strong loves like no other. Clark makes me happy every day, multiple times a day. Even on days when he screams for no reason, or throws up all over me three seconds before we are due to leave the house, I love him so much. I thought of this especially today, when he woke up this morning. I walked in to get him, and there he was in his crib, babbling to himself. When he saw me, he gave me the biggest grin. I wouldn't even trade $4,000 for one of his smiles, that's how happy he makes me. Now, for one of his poopy diapers, that's a deal I'm willing to make...
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Baby Talk
Does anyone else remember when they were 16 and horrified by their mother's reaction to babies? I used to cringe, then go home and give my mother a lecture on how embarrassing she was, and didn't she realize that no one else in the world talked like that to babies? I would also throw in a comment on how if she ever did it again I would have to die of mortification.
Now I have the realization that I may have turned into my mom. Not completely, mind you. I refuse to admit that, and will hit anyone who says differently. But I have turned into the dreaded baby talker. I do talk to Clark normally, say, for example, if he's playing on his mat and I'm cleaning around him, I'll tell him all about what I'm doing in a normal voice, if not slightly sing-songish. But I find quite often, when he's being incredibly cute I talk in a slight baby voice. Yes, I know, I'm probably stunting his speech or whatever, but I can't help it. He is too cute!
It's funny how even through to the end of my pregnancy, I thought I would never turn into one of "those people"(always said with a snort of derision). And yet, here I am. I am a baby-talker, and I am not ashamed!! But I'm not blind, either. I've began noticing the horrified looks from people if I do it in front of them. Not family, mind you, but always single people with no kids, and no close family with small children. They look at me first like I'm a crazy person, then secondly like they are scared/feel sorry for the weirdo mother. I think it especially freaks those out that are the same age, or older than I am. They totally give me the look that I used to give to my mom! Funny how these things come back to bite you later in life. I see why nothing I said ever made my mom stop though. It's too addicting. Especially when it's your own baby. So I just ignore it for now. When they have babies of their own, they will understand, and luckily for them, they will have me to join in with them so they don't feel like a complete idiot in front of everyone else.
Now I have the realization that I may have turned into my mom. Not completely, mind you. I refuse to admit that, and will hit anyone who says differently. But I have turned into the dreaded baby talker. I do talk to Clark normally, say, for example, if he's playing on his mat and I'm cleaning around him, I'll tell him all about what I'm doing in a normal voice, if not slightly sing-songish. But I find quite often, when he's being incredibly cute I talk in a slight baby voice. Yes, I know, I'm probably stunting his speech or whatever, but I can't help it. He is too cute!
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| Try to not talk baby-talk to this cute little nerd. |
Breastfeeding woes
Lucky for me, it's growth spurt week in our household. Unlucky for me, I have mastitis during it. I mean, really, what are the chances? It seems very unlikely considering I feel like I'm feeding him nonstop day and night. But somehow I ended up with it anyway. It's on the same side as last time too. It's funny, but it was obvious from day one that when it comes to eating, Clark clearly prefers the left side to my right. So the right one is always the engorged one, and the infected one, in some cases. I wonder why he prefers one to the other, I mean, it's not like the milk is better or something(though I'm sure it is when the other one is infected. Talk about gross!).
It's during times like this(growth spurt, mastitis, or even just a bad day), that I start to think about the wonders of formula. Don't worry, I know all about the benefits of breastfeeding, and I understand that it is so much better for him, not to mention cheaper for us, but I like to daydream about not having my child gnawing at me, and screaming at me when I don't have enough milk.
If I had been alone raising this child, I would have given up long ago, I really would have. Breastfeeding is HARD. If anyone says differently, then they have obviously forgotten what it's like your first time. When my son was born, he had a lot of bruising, swelling and cuts all over his head from the very harsh forceps delivery. On top of that, I was induced 2 weeks early because of hypertension, so he wasn't very pleased at being yanked out of his cozy home when he wasn't ready. He would not breastfeed. I tried and tried, and tried. I would attempt to do it while he screamed for 45 minutes every feeding. He'd be crying, I'd be crying, and I wanted to give up. The hospital made me attempt to feed him, then feed him formula, then use the hospital pump for 20 minutes to encourage my milk. It was exhausting.
After 1 week, I told my husband, no more. We are just doing formula. But he was so persistent.
"Just one more week!", he would say.
So I would go another week. It took 3 1/2 weeks, a gazillion trips to see a lactation consultant, me losing my temper daily, and extreme patience from my husband, but my child now is almost solely breastfed. We do have formula on hand for times when we have no pumped and are going out or leaving him with someone, but in his regular day-to-day life, he only breastfeeds. Those first weeks felt like an eternity, and seemed pointless, but now looking back I realize my husband was right. Even though this still is so hard, it is totally worth it. Clark loves breastfeeding. If I would let him stay on there sucking even after he was done, he would. He doesn't like bottles in the slightest, even though that was what we used for the first 4 weeks. Anytime I try to bottle feed him, he pulls off after a little bit and buries his face in my chest, rooting. He has been known to latch on to a mouthful of shirt and look up at me puzzled. Then he cries a bit, and eventually settles into the bottle, with his eyebrows all puckered together, and refuses to look at me, as if saying, "If you won't breastfeed me, I won't pay any attention to you." Then as soon as I pull him off to burp him, right back into my chest his little head goes. Which makes it awkward when your in the middle of a mall, and you have formula latch marks all over your shirt. It draws the eye to a place I don't want it drawn.
Breastfeeding sure has it's drawbacks, though. I mean, I am always the one to feed the baby. It's not exactly like my husband can do it for me. The infections aren't fun either, that's for sure. And the waking up in the middle of the night, soaked, because your child decided to randomly sleep longer than he normally does, sucks too. That's when the formula thoughts start to worm their way back into my mind.
Imagine him always sleeping through the night(which he's done when he's gotten formula close to bedtime before). Imagine shirts fitting correctly again. Imagine making my husband get up in the middle of the night instead of me! Imagine no more infections! No more starving just an hour after eating, and feeling weird about getting more food when there are other people around("Where does it all go?" I can tell they are wondering.)
But yesterday reminded me of the good parts again. I was feeding Clark, and was only about 5 minutes into eating when he pulled off and just stared at me. So I lifted him up and burped him, thinking he had gas. No burps, so I tried putting him back on. He latched briefly and then pulled off, looking at me. He just stared at me, smiling once in a while, with the cutest little look on his face, and then re-latched himself about 5 minutes later. He ate a bit, and then did it again. He did that over and over for the whole feeding. My husband even came over to watch. He would just not stop staring at me. And you could tell that he was thinking, "That's my Mommy, and I love her." And that bond, and those cute moments with him, is what reminded me of why I will keep breastfeeding. That time, and that bond created with my son, makes it completely worth it to me. I am so glad that I get the privilege of doing it.
It's during times like this(growth spurt, mastitis, or even just a bad day), that I start to think about the wonders of formula. Don't worry, I know all about the benefits of breastfeeding, and I understand that it is so much better for him, not to mention cheaper for us, but I like to daydream about not having my child gnawing at me, and screaming at me when I don't have enough milk.
If I had been alone raising this child, I would have given up long ago, I really would have. Breastfeeding is HARD. If anyone says differently, then they have obviously forgotten what it's like your first time. When my son was born, he had a lot of bruising, swelling and cuts all over his head from the very harsh forceps delivery. On top of that, I was induced 2 weeks early because of hypertension, so he wasn't very pleased at being yanked out of his cozy home when he wasn't ready. He would not breastfeed. I tried and tried, and tried. I would attempt to do it while he screamed for 45 minutes every feeding. He'd be crying, I'd be crying, and I wanted to give up. The hospital made me attempt to feed him, then feed him formula, then use the hospital pump for 20 minutes to encourage my milk. It was exhausting.
After 1 week, I told my husband, no more. We are just doing formula. But he was so persistent.
"Just one more week!", he would say.
So I would go another week. It took 3 1/2 weeks, a gazillion trips to see a lactation consultant, me losing my temper daily, and extreme patience from my husband, but my child now is almost solely breastfed. We do have formula on hand for times when we have no pumped and are going out or leaving him with someone, but in his regular day-to-day life, he only breastfeeds. Those first weeks felt like an eternity, and seemed pointless, but now looking back I realize my husband was right. Even though this still is so hard, it is totally worth it. Clark loves breastfeeding. If I would let him stay on there sucking even after he was done, he would. He doesn't like bottles in the slightest, even though that was what we used for the first 4 weeks. Anytime I try to bottle feed him, he pulls off after a little bit and buries his face in my chest, rooting. He has been known to latch on to a mouthful of shirt and look up at me puzzled. Then he cries a bit, and eventually settles into the bottle, with his eyebrows all puckered together, and refuses to look at me, as if saying, "If you won't breastfeed me, I won't pay any attention to you." Then as soon as I pull him off to burp him, right back into my chest his little head goes. Which makes it awkward when your in the middle of a mall, and you have formula latch marks all over your shirt. It draws the eye to a place I don't want it drawn.
Breastfeeding sure has it's drawbacks, though. I mean, I am always the one to feed the baby. It's not exactly like my husband can do it for me. The infections aren't fun either, that's for sure. And the waking up in the middle of the night, soaked, because your child decided to randomly sleep longer than he normally does, sucks too. That's when the formula thoughts start to worm their way back into my mind.
Imagine him always sleeping through the night(which he's done when he's gotten formula close to bedtime before). Imagine shirts fitting correctly again. Imagine making my husband get up in the middle of the night instead of me! Imagine no more infections! No more starving just an hour after eating, and feeling weird about getting more food when there are other people around("Where does it all go?" I can tell they are wondering.)
But yesterday reminded me of the good parts again. I was feeding Clark, and was only about 5 minutes into eating when he pulled off and just stared at me. So I lifted him up and burped him, thinking he had gas. No burps, so I tried putting him back on. He latched briefly and then pulled off, looking at me. He just stared at me, smiling once in a while, with the cutest little look on his face, and then re-latched himself about 5 minutes later. He ate a bit, and then did it again. He did that over and over for the whole feeding. My husband even came over to watch. He would just not stop staring at me. And you could tell that he was thinking, "That's my Mommy, and I love her." And that bond, and those cute moments with him, is what reminded me of why I will keep breastfeeding. That time, and that bond created with my son, makes it completely worth it to me. I am so glad that I get the privilege of doing it.
 |
| "Thanks for the food, Mommy!" |
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Sleeping like a baby
I used to use that saying all the time in regular conversation before I actually had my baby. I even had all these ideas when I was pregnant. I remember even saying to my husband, "It's a BABY! How hard can it be to get it to go to sleep or even stay asleep?" Clearly I was delusional, and feel the need to apologize to all moms right now. You do not know sleep deprivation until you have a baby.
But I also have to say, I'm pretty sure no quite explained to me the extent of the sleepless nights that were in front of me when I was pregnant. The first night in the hospital was a HUGE shock. I just kept telling myself that it was because it was the hospital and it would magically get better as soon as we were home. My husband kept encouraging this thought process as well-but mostly because the hospital we were in did not allow the fathers to stay overnight, so he was actually getting a full 8 hours every night. What a shock we were in for when we got home. Between the no sleep, hormone craziness, and the horrific first weeks of breastfeeding, I thought I would literally expire where I sat.
So I've decided to come clean. As a new mom, all I have to say to those expecting, or those hoping to be expecting sometime soon-you will not sleep. Not for at least 6 weeks. Especially if you are breastfeeding. I know they always say, sleep during the day when your baby sleeps. What they fail to mention is how short that sleep is, if you can get it at all. My baby was born interested in everything, and hated sleeping. And that, unfortunately, never changed. I'll give you an idea of the first 4-6 weeks of life with a newborn. Or at least what my experience was:
Feed baby 1 hour 15 minutes\
Burp and change baby: 15 minutes
Pump(I had trouble with milk supply): 20-30 minutes
Rock baby to sleep: 10 minutes
Rock baby again when he wakes up as soon as he's in his crib: 10 minutes
Baby sleeps: 20 minutes
By the time I got into bed and closed my eyes, he was awake. Then it all started again, an endless cycle of exhaustion and crying(on both of our parts...) And I am not exaggerating, believe me. If it had not been for my husband's constant support and encouragement, I would not have been able to do it, that's for sure.
My son is three months old now, and has started sleeping for 7 hours at a time at night. It's amazing. I really never thought that this day would come. So today when I thought about how much sleep I get now, and how little I got before, I thought to myself that I owe it to other new moms to make sure they know that it sucks. It really, really sucks the first weeks. But it gets so much better after the second month. Which I know can seem like an eternity, but at least you know there's light at the tunnel. Because I know for me, that tunnel seemed never-ending.
Although I won't even begin on the regression that happens with every growth spurt and vaccination. I shudder even thinking of them. That's for another post, I think. If I type about that now, I'll end up having nightmares. :)
But I also have to say, I'm pretty sure no quite explained to me the extent of the sleepless nights that were in front of me when I was pregnant. The first night in the hospital was a HUGE shock. I just kept telling myself that it was because it was the hospital and it would magically get better as soon as we were home. My husband kept encouraging this thought process as well-but mostly because the hospital we were in did not allow the fathers to stay overnight, so he was actually getting a full 8 hours every night. What a shock we were in for when we got home. Between the no sleep, hormone craziness, and the horrific first weeks of breastfeeding, I thought I would literally expire where I sat.
So I've decided to come clean. As a new mom, all I have to say to those expecting, or those hoping to be expecting sometime soon-you will not sleep. Not for at least 6 weeks. Especially if you are breastfeeding. I know they always say, sleep during the day when your baby sleeps. What they fail to mention is how short that sleep is, if you can get it at all. My baby was born interested in everything, and hated sleeping. And that, unfortunately, never changed. I'll give you an idea of the first 4-6 weeks of life with a newborn. Or at least what my experience was:
Feed baby 1 hour 15 minutes\
Burp and change baby: 15 minutes
Pump(I had trouble with milk supply): 20-30 minutes
Rock baby to sleep: 10 minutes
Rock baby again when he wakes up as soon as he's in his crib: 10 minutes
Baby sleeps: 20 minutes
By the time I got into bed and closed my eyes, he was awake. Then it all started again, an endless cycle of exhaustion and crying(on both of our parts...) And I am not exaggerating, believe me. If it had not been for my husband's constant support and encouragement, I would not have been able to do it, that's for sure.
My son is three months old now, and has started sleeping for 7 hours at a time at night. It's amazing. I really never thought that this day would come. So today when I thought about how much sleep I get now, and how little I got before, I thought to myself that I owe it to other new moms to make sure they know that it sucks. It really, really sucks the first weeks. But it gets so much better after the second month. Which I know can seem like an eternity, but at least you know there's light at the tunnel. Because I know for me, that tunnel seemed never-ending.
Although I won't even begin on the regression that happens with every growth spurt and vaccination. I shudder even thinking of them. That's for another post, I think. If I type about that now, I'll end up having nightmares. :)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Momma's Boy
When Clark was first born, Daddy was the first one to hold him. It had been a very long delivery, and ended up with an extremely rough forceps delivery, which left me with, and I quote, "Too many stitches. You don't want to know how many." So, when they pulled our squirmy little guy out, my husband got him first, and got to hold him for probably 1/2 an hour. I eventually got him in recovery, but only for 2 minutes, because my body was going through some weird shock/exhaustion thing where I shook so badly my teeth rattled-unfortunately, this was not conducive for holding a tiny newborn.
Then, afterward, I was so sleepy, I fell asleep being wheeled to my postpartum room, and slept for hours. In the meantime, Clark was left in the care of his Daddy. They both loved it, and an amazing bond was created. But for some reason, right around six weeks old, Clark decided he would no longer fall asleep with, or on his Daddy. He wouldn't even let his Daddy rock him! The screaming was incessant. So we've been dealing with it by me just having to do it every day and it was taking a huge toll on me, which my husband noticed. So yesterday, after a frustrating night for me the day before my husband decided enough was enough. So when it was Clark's turn to nap, he started rocking him instead of me.
I'm pretty sure our neighbors thought we were murdering him. He has NEVER screamed like that-not in a growth spurt, not after vaccinations, not even when being born! My husband actually put a toque on, to save his ears. The tears, sobs, screeches, and clawing his father's chest to pieces continued for over an hour and a half. Finally, he cried himself hungry. So I fed him, and he gratefully conked out, clutching handfuls of my skin in both fists, like a lifeline.
Today, after my husband got home from work, Clark was due for a nap. I was hoping to just do it and save everyone's hearing, but my husband insisted. The death glare he was giving his father as he tried rocking him was priceless, and terrifying, but miraculously, he only whimpered once or twice and then was out like a
light. I couldn't believe it had worked. And he slept his entire nap time. You'd think we would all be happy, right? Wrong. There sat one sleeping baby, one overjoyed Daddy, and one brokenhearted Mommy. Apparently I secretly loved being the only one he went to. Kind of awkward to admit after complaining about it for a month and a half. So now the question is, was it actually Clark being clingy to me this whole time, or just me being clingy to him? I decided it's best for all if that question isn't answered, I don't think I want to know if I've turned into one of those obsessive moms. So for now, we'll say it was Clark. Anyway, he's too young to defend himself, right?
Then, afterward, I was so sleepy, I fell asleep being wheeled to my postpartum room, and slept for hours. In the meantime, Clark was left in the care of his Daddy. They both loved it, and an amazing bond was created. But for some reason, right around six weeks old, Clark decided he would no longer fall asleep with, or on his Daddy. He wouldn't even let his Daddy rock him! The screaming was incessant. So we've been dealing with it by me just having to do it every day and it was taking a huge toll on me, which my husband noticed. So yesterday, after a frustrating night for me the day before my husband decided enough was enough. So when it was Clark's turn to nap, he started rocking him instead of me.
I'm pretty sure our neighbors thought we were murdering him. He has NEVER screamed like that-not in a growth spurt, not after vaccinations, not even when being born! My husband actually put a toque on, to save his ears. The tears, sobs, screeches, and clawing his father's chest to pieces continued for over an hour and a half. Finally, he cried himself hungry. So I fed him, and he gratefully conked out, clutching handfuls of my skin in both fists, like a lifeline.
Today, after my husband got home from work, Clark was due for a nap. I was hoping to just do it and save everyone's hearing, but my husband insisted. The death glare he was giving his father as he tried rocking him was priceless, and terrifying, but miraculously, he only whimpered once or twice and then was out like a
light. I couldn't believe it had worked. And he slept his entire nap time. You'd think we would all be happy, right? Wrong. There sat one sleeping baby, one overjoyed Daddy, and one brokenhearted Mommy. Apparently I secretly loved being the only one he went to. Kind of awkward to admit after complaining about it for a month and a half. So now the question is, was it actually Clark being clingy to me this whole time, or just me being clingy to him? I decided it's best for all if that question isn't answered, I don't think I want to know if I've turned into one of those obsessive moms. So for now, we'll say it was Clark. Anyway, he's too young to defend himself, right?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Mall Kiosks
A friend of ours recently started a new job at a really nice salon in a mall close to where we live. She needed hair models to demonstrate her talent, so I volunteered myself-and then my husband. She had said she had almost no male hair models, and felt awkward asking, and to be honest, I really can't blame her. I mean, who wants to go up to someone else's husband and say, "Want to come to my work for 2 hours so I can massage your head and talk awkwardly?"
So anyway, I volunteered my husband. All I had to say was, "It's free!" and he was on board. With my husband, the key to his heart is through his wallet-a full wallet.
I decided ahead of time that Clark and I would go to the mall with him and wander around just the two of us, relaxed and happy. What I had not taken into consideration was the salespeople at kiosks. Are they in their right mind? Seriously!
Why would they bother approaching a mom with a tiny baby in a stroller? There are so many reasons not to.
Reason #1- I would like to meet a regular family that has spare money to waste on frivolous purchases.
Reason #2- I would like to meet a mom with a newborn that has time to USE this stuff. A 14-step face cleansing program? Ha! Try me in 18 years! If I brush my teeth it's a miracle!
Reason #3- Do you not realize that if the stroller reaches a speed of less than 20 km per hour my child will start shrieking and WILL NEVER STOP?
Yet every kiosk tried to stop me. By the end of it I just started laughing as they approached and kept walking. Hopefully they learn, and approach only those childless-or at least the ones with a full-time nanny! :)
So anyway, I volunteered my husband. All I had to say was, "It's free!" and he was on board. With my husband, the key to his heart is through his wallet-a full wallet.
I decided ahead of time that Clark and I would go to the mall with him and wander around just the two of us, relaxed and happy. What I had not taken into consideration was the salespeople at kiosks. Are they in their right mind? Seriously!
Why would they bother approaching a mom with a tiny baby in a stroller? There are so many reasons not to.
Reason #1- I would like to meet a regular family that has spare money to waste on frivolous purchases.
Reason #2- I would like to meet a mom with a newborn that has time to USE this stuff. A 14-step face cleansing program? Ha! Try me in 18 years! If I brush my teeth it's a miracle!
Reason #3- Do you not realize that if the stroller reaches a speed of less than 20 km per hour my child will start shrieking and WILL NEVER STOP?
Yet every kiosk tried to stop me. By the end of it I just started laughing as they approached and kept walking. Hopefully they learn, and approach only those childless-or at least the ones with a full-time nanny! :)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The good baby/bad baby people
Maybe this is just something that I've noticed.
Anyone who spends two minutes or less with Clark seems to always say the same thing - "What a good baby! You are so lucky!" they always exclaim. Or if they see him smile, or sleeping. Then they go on for what seems like hours about lucky we are and how we need to cherish these sleep-deprived moments. I'm pretty sure I contemplate murder multiple times a week because of people saying that. I know we're lucky, don't get me wrong, I love my baby more than anything. It just feels like there is no sympathy-or even like they think you are exaggerating your plight. ("45 minutes sleep for the whole night? Come on, what did you actually get?"-that was 2 weeks after my son was born. Was the collection of bags under my eyed and the screaming baby in my arms not convincing enough?)
And then there are those other people. The ones who see your baby crying, or worse, screeching and then they stare at you in horror and say, "What a BAD baby! I feel do terrible for you! How are you dealing?"
Um, excuse me, but you are basically calling this tiny human that I carried for 9 months, created out of NOTHING and am currently doing the very best to raise even though I feel(and look) like a zombie, a demon! How is that not insulting? It's ok for us to say that after 6 days of no sleep, but they've only spent 2 minutes with him!
Where are the in-between people? I often wonder if the only reasonable people are hiding at home with their own young kids. My best advice to everyone else, and this is coming from three whole months of experience, listen and nod sympathetically when a new mom complains, and the rest of the time you tell them their baby is the cutest on earth. Trust me, this is the only way to stay off a new mom's hit list-it's only been 3 months and mine is 50 people long... :)
Anyone who spends two minutes or less with Clark seems to always say the same thing - "What a good baby! You are so lucky!" they always exclaim. Or if they see him smile, or sleeping. Then they go on for what seems like hours about lucky we are and how we need to cherish these sleep-deprived moments. I'm pretty sure I contemplate murder multiple times a week because of people saying that. I know we're lucky, don't get me wrong, I love my baby more than anything. It just feels like there is no sympathy-or even like they think you are exaggerating your plight. ("45 minutes sleep for the whole night? Come on, what did you actually get?"-that was 2 weeks after my son was born. Was the collection of bags under my eyed and the screaming baby in my arms not convincing enough?)
And then there are those other people. The ones who see your baby crying, or worse, screeching and then they stare at you in horror and say, "What a BAD baby! I feel do terrible for you! How are you dealing?"
Um, excuse me, but you are basically calling this tiny human that I carried for 9 months, created out of NOTHING and am currently doing the very best to raise even though I feel(and look) like a zombie, a demon! How is that not insulting? It's ok for us to say that after 6 days of no sleep, but they've only spent 2 minutes with him!
Where are the in-between people? I often wonder if the only reasonable people are hiding at home with their own young kids. My best advice to everyone else, and this is coming from three whole months of experience, listen and nod sympathetically when a new mom complains, and the rest of the time you tell them their baby is the cutest on earth. Trust me, this is the only way to stay off a new mom's hit list-it's only been 3 months and mine is 50 people long... :)
First Post- Expectations vs. Realities
I'd say expect constant updates, but we'll just see how it goes. I always have the best intentions of doing things on time, but it never seems to end up happening.
I think that's part of being a new mom-before the baby, you were full expectations and ideas. About what kind of parent you would be, what your child would be like, and about how your life would change. Idealized, that's for sure. And no one really prepares you for the reality and how far apart your idea and reality would be.
Getting things done was definitely one of the places that I was way off on. Expectation-I had all these daydreams of a baby sleeping peacefully for hours in a crib while I flitted around the house, getting everything magically done before my husband gets home from work. Reality-still sitting in the same chair as when my husband left, still not showered, absolutely nothing accomplished. Or at least it seems to me, as the new mom, that nothing was accomplished. But I mean, the baby has been taken care of(to the best of anyones exhausted ability), and he's happy.
And, I mean, when it comes to doing things, nothing is better for a new mom to know than the fact that she has a happy, healthy baby. Isn't that really the best accomplishment?
I think that's part of being a new mom-before the baby, you were full expectations and ideas. About what kind of parent you would be, what your child would be like, and about how your life would change. Idealized, that's for sure. And no one really prepares you for the reality and how far apart your idea and reality would be.
Getting things done was definitely one of the places that I was way off on. Expectation-I had all these daydreams of a baby sleeping peacefully for hours in a crib while I flitted around the house, getting everything magically done before my husband gets home from work. Reality-still sitting in the same chair as when my husband left, still not showered, absolutely nothing accomplished. Or at least it seems to me, as the new mom, that nothing was accomplished. But I mean, the baby has been taken care of(to the best of anyones exhausted ability), and he's happy.
And, I mean, when it comes to doing things, nothing is better for a new mom to know than the fact that she has a happy, healthy baby. Isn't that really the best accomplishment?
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