I'm sure you know people like what I'm talking about. They have their baby-and BAM! Size 0 instantly. That is so not me. I literally HATE the way I look right now. I am way bigger then I was pre-pregnancy. I loved how I looked before I had the baby-I was curvy, but not too thin, fit into the size I wanted to, and looked good in most whatever I picked out for myself. I had tons of confidence about my looks, and had no qualms about stuff like being in a bathing suit in front of strangers.
Now, I cringe when I have to try clothes on. I know I still have a way to go before I am anywhere close to being what I was before. So last week, I finally got myself together and made it to the gym-I only went for half an hour, and was exhausted afterwards, but I finally started to feel good about myself. I know this is going to be a difficult road. Trying to eat healthy with a small baby? Often, impossible. Finding time to workout without feeling guilty about being away from my husband, my baby and my house responsibilities? Unheard of. But I know I have to do this for myself. If I don't, it won't magically start getting better on it's own, it will more than likely just get worse.
So anyway, I talked it over with my husband, who is supportive either way-he is fine with me now, but he is also willing to help me out if I do want to work out, which I do. So when I expressed frustration with how busy our lives are-he recommended trying to have something that I could do at home, instead of having to go to the gym-at least until he feel less busy(a.k.a. when I don't need to breastfeed as much.) So I did some research online-different blogs and forums for new moms, and I found that quite a few people liked Jillian Michaels video, 30 Day Shred. Anyway, it's a 20 minute workout, that you are supposed to do everyday. Can I just say, I used to be really fit? But about a two and a half years before I got pregnant, I was very, very sick, and lost a tremendous amount of weight, and was barely able to eat-only taking in 400 calories a day. If you look at pictures of me, I looked semi-corpseish. It was not pretty, and very tolling on my body. At that time in life, I was working out regularly at least three times a week, for an hour and a half, at the gym. Then, because the weight was dropping off and there was nothing we could do about it, my doctors ordered me to cease all exercise, in a bid to conserve calories. It took them almost 9 months to figure out why I was sick, and then another 6 for me to get back to a normal weight/eating habits. So for more then a year, I didn't work out. Then I was getting engaged, planning a wedding, and being a newlywed. Who has time, or even wants to work out in all that? Then the pregnancy hit, and with that, a scare at 20 weeks. Where I was then told again, no exercise, which moved on to bed rest at the end because of preeclampsia.
So as you can see, it has been a while since I really exercised. But yet, somehow, in my deluded mind, I was still in good shape. Clearly not. That 20 minute video kicked my butt in the first 10 minutes. I had to turn it off, I thought I was going to either die, or wake my napping son up with my gasping for air. And then, I was so sore for two days after, I couldn't even do it. But last night, my amazing husband encouraged me to try again, so this time I made it 15 minutes in, and am determined to do it again today. I know I won't be instantly thin again, but I hope to at least be able to get through a 20 minute video! But mostly, I want my son to see a healthy role model in his mom, someone who can always keep up with him and my husband.
So we will see what the future brings, but I'm really hoping I stay with this-plus, I figured if I put it in writing, then there is really no way of getting out of it, right?
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